Of Everyday Musings

And now that I have started…

…I can’t seem to stop. Today is a saturday. It’s the day you’re officially allowed to sleep in. To savor that morning cuppa. And yet when my bodyclock woke me at 5.30am, rather than curl up in bed again for a second innings, my mind said to me, “What are you going to write about today?” and started running full throttle ahead with the thought. And I had no choice but to be up and about. After setting the tea to steep and absent mindedly adding a mite too much salt to the morning breakfast (upma or Indian style porridge, that my poor hubby and daughter ate without protesting too much – for it was either toast or that!) I was showered and ready to start writing.

And then my daughter comes and says that she has to cook at least two dishes for a school project. And all from scratch. And I have to, I quote, “Sit at a far-away distance and only supervise.” And fill out a form about all I saw. I agree thinking I could, after all sit at the kitchen table and “supervise” and write at the same time. I am a ‘mom’ and I multi-task all the time. No big deal. After a couple of incidences of milk being sloshed, I’m not so sure. On the heels of substantial peacemaking efforts on her side, I sit down again and fortunately, things progress to the end with no more mishaps. The wonderful aromas emanating from the oven force me to forgive all. And one taste of her Died-and-went-to-heaven-Chocolate Bread pudding, and I’m all one gooey melted contented mass. All’s finally well with the world.

Today…..in the eyes of yesterday

Over the past few days, I have been attempting to get back to a routine where I try to write at least a little bit everyday. At first, I couldn’t. Just plain couldn’t. So I decided to delve into my past pieces. And began by actually typing out what had come forth of me when I first started writing. Then I was a naive 14 year old girl, full of idealistic thoughts at the narcissistic world around me. Come to think of it, they were completely depressing and pessimistic thoughts. It was 1984 and our Prime Minister Indira Gandhi had been assassinated recently and that had had a profound effect on me. A person holding the highest civilian office had been murdered in full daylight by her own bodyguards! What was this world coming to? And the gory scenes of destruction that followed were even more distressing. For the first time in my existence, I think I found myself being deeply affected by events happening in the country. This was a step up from being affected by what happened in my home and maybe school.

And as I read through my writings, which I had had the foresight to date and time, I could actually see the progression of thought. From being aghast at the violent acts that people committed without any thought to their consequences, to being confounded by their tendency to being utterly selfish. And to what end? I could not identify with their principles. I was angry and at the same time disappointed at the world around me.

As I finished school and went to college, (University) I was still a simple, unsophisticated girl. Having lived in a closed community (my father worked for the Indian Railways and we had always lived in the Railway colony, which was away from the main city) I was still green to the ways of the world. And as I had chosen to study in a city far, far away from home, it was ‘Welcome to the real world’.

While I had close family who lived in the same city, I would be now living in a private hostel. For the first time in my life I was made conscious of my own self. Until now, I had never given any thought to ‘looking good’. Now I was painfully aware of my inadequacies – because I got to live with and interact with girls who seemed infinitely more beautiful, smarter, well-polished and refined. Most of these girls had a jaded, oblivious attitude towards things happening around them. They were only concerned with themselves. Fortunately, I soon moved to the hostel attached to the college where I was to graduate from and where I spent 5 very memorable years and made friendships which have lasted through all these years. These were all the late teen years where I became aware of other feelings too. Awareness of the opposite gender. And this change of view reflected in the one thing which was steady through all those tumultous years, my writings, my poetry. From bleak and indignant to tender, even quixotic. I was becoming aware of not only people but also the beauty of nature around me.

The transformation from quixotic to the positive and optimistic person I see myself today, took place much later, after I got married and got to interact intimately with a whole new set of people with a whole new outlook on life for me. But that’s a story for another blog. But for now, a glimpse into who I was then…

The writing. This is where it all started. In the diary of a young girl.
This piece Circa Lucknow. 22 April 1989.

The moon shines serene and calm up in the sky.
Spreading a sensous cascade of its brightness.
Like a lone lamp in the sky.
And suddenly – Oh! –
The serene calmness spread by the moon is disturbed.
By the irritating sounds of the materialistic world.
The dizzying brightness of the street lights – light up the road in front
-But are no match to the moon – the lone lamp which lights up the whole world.
Not even a million street lamps could ever match the serene, calm brightness of the lone lamp in the sky – the moon.
The insects of the night are singing their own sweet songs.
Who can but understand what they sing!
The continuous droning of the cars and scooters disturb their serene continuity.
In the city, man is forced to hear nothing –
But the continuous droning of the cars,
The monstrous cranking of what they call ‘machines’
He is blinded by the dazzling lamps of artificiality
He has become so conscious of “Time”
that he has lost all ideas of the phenomenon of “Universal time”
He is so drunk with the alcohol of money
That all his life is totally devoted to getting more and more money.
He tries to do more and more work in the least amount of time so that he can achieve “efficiency”
And this gets him “mental satisfaction”
Oh! He has totally lost the art of getting any happiness from nature’s cycle of time and work.
He has become so conscious of even the smallest parts of “time”
that he does not know how to pass time without “work” –
in the serene calmness of the moonlit night.

 

The things we take for granted..

Listed below are the things I am most grateful for, regardless of whether they are material or non-material. Here’s my gratitude journal – I’m thankful for the existence of each and every person/ thing on the list!

• Me. I’m alive.
• I have a husband who loves me unconditionally.
• My son.
• My daughter.
• My absolute faith in the bond that my family shares together.
• We hug! All the time! I love our cuddles!
• My positive attitude.
• My ability to adjust to new circumstances, new places.
• My mother. She taught me to wonder. To question. And to think. To live in the present. And to be happy.
• My mother in-law. She brought up some of the best men I have had the pleasure of knowing. She taught me the value of hard work. And time management. Her tips on instilling a good value system in children have proved to be invaluable. Hats off to her perseverance.
• My dad. The most honest person I have known. Taught me how to make my bed. And to be tidy. From inside.
• My father in-law. He taught me about good food habits. Whatever meal is placed in front of him, he always says it is the best! What an attitude to food!
• My grandparents. My heritage.
• My sister. My idol.
• My husband’s older brother. He is the brother I never had.
• His wife. And like a mother hen to us all, she is in the business of shielding all of us from any danger that even threatens to befall us. The knife she yields in her profession (she’s a surgeon) obviously helps; though she is one of the best at wielding it in the kitchen too!
• A and K. Cannot but put them together, they are my husband’s younger twin brothers and provide the fun factor for our family.
• V and P. Being wives of twins, I have to put them together too! Though individually as poles apart as the sun and the moon, they are as dear to me as the sun and moon are for life on earth!
• My nephew. My sweetheart and (though now overgrown) baby.
• My niece. Her husband. For giving us the apple of our eye. Our cutest baby yet.
• My nephew’s wife. I can connect with you the way I can with no one else. I cherish our conversations. They make me think.
• The entire next gen of our J family. You are our future.
• My closest friends without whom I cannot possibly live. NC, PVI, GS, YA. My friends in the previous apartments I lived in. School friends. College friends. Work related friends. Our friends from places we have lived in the past – Bangalore, Colorado Springs, Pune,Winnersh, Cupertino. Friends who started out as being my husband’s friends but are now mine too.
• Extended families from my mom’s, dad’s, mother-in-law’s and father-in-law’s side.
• Pradnya’s Book Club. My little piece of heaven. Though the shop is now closed, it will always, always live for ever and ever in my heart.
• My mentors, people I drew inspiration from: My father, my sister, my husband, Mr. B.G. Deshmukh. Others who touched me in ways that perhaps they were unaware of. By virtue of doing (or not doing) things. Too numerous to list.
• Books. Some that I read for pure pleasure like those by Nora Roberts and Arthur Hailey, others that I read and got influenced tremendously. Notable among them, Marie Curie. The Good Earth by Pearl Buck. Roots by Alex Haley. The Checklist Manifesto by Dr. Atul Gawande.
• My kindle.
• Dadi who blessed me when I was little.
• By virtue of birth and later marriage, I was and am able to see the world, travel.
• By virtue of the above, I was able to meet so many people, my circle widens every day.
• Music.
• Reading.
• Writing. My blog.
• My camera.
• Libraries.
• Dance.
• My friends from a transformational seminar I did recently. (Thank you S, for making me atend!)
• Cooking at home and eating out. Good food.
• Baking with the kids.
• Sharing.
• Long drives.
• My memories.
• The earth. It sustains life (me, you and all the living things around us) and will do so in the near foreseeable future.
• Social media like Facebook and Whatsapp for keeping the family and friends in touch even though we are separated by huge distances.
• Telephone, mobile phone.
• Television.
• Mountains.
• The sea.
• The sky.
• I love it that when spring is around the corner, flowers spring up at every nook and cranny.
• I love it when fall comes around, all the trees around me are in hues of flaming red, vibrant yellows and orange.
• Thunderstorms.
• Lightening in Colorado.
• Rain.
• Snow.
• Sunshine.
• My favorite foods – varan bhat tup with batata kachrya, paav bhaji, chicken biryani, enchiladas, a good pasta, Victoria sponge cake from Sainsburys, pad thai, kung pao chicken, puran poli, gulachi poli, (both made by my mom and both with loads of clarified butter), alu paratha, batata wada, sabudana wada/ khichadi, fish fry, tiramisu made by Arya, omelettes by Anvay, Debbie and Fabio’s pasta,
• History – my favorite subject!
• Literature (novels, plays, poetry).
• Painting.
• Temples/ churches/ forts/ palaces – places of historic significance.
• Museums.
• Beautiful India – Lucknow, Delhi, Simla, Chandigarh, Nainital, Dehradun, Udaipur, Mumbai, Pune, Kolhapur, Malvan, Goa, Bangalore, Hyderabad, Vishakhapatnam, Tamil Nadu. All places I have been to.
• The experience that is London. And that I was able to live it.
• Scenic Colorado. Cherish our stay there.
• I have always been blessed with the best neighbors.
• Long walks.
• My car.
• Trains and all the journeys I have made on them.
• Airplanes.
• Buses and all the journeys I have made on them.
• Blue skies.
• Chocolate and ice cream.
• Overall good health.
• We can pay our bills and make our rent on time.
• We can go out for a meal every week.
• We still manage to save.
• Attention to detail, multi-tasking ability.
• The fact that I recognize my tendency to procrastinate and go off-track. Now I know what to do about it. Just do what needs to be done rather than ‘trying’ to do it.
• Like exercise, among other things. Thanks Rekha, for teaching me how to.
• Sunrise, sunset. The sun for being the source of our solar system.
• The moon.
• Believing. First and foremost in myself.
• Honoring my word. At all times. Very important.
• Electricity, running water, my laptop, oven, microwave, washing machine, dryer, dishwasher, vacuum cleaner. How did we live our lives before you?
• I love that I am a dreamer.
• I know I have endless patience. One trait that so helped me stay sane while bringing up my kids.
• I feel blessed that I live in the present. Because the past belongs just there – in the past. Not coloring my present or future.
• My philosophy is summed up brilliantly by journalist, Hugh Downs, “A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes.”
• My husband does the dishes without being told when we have company.
• I have such a wonderful role model for a hard worker – my husband!!
• My husband is a man of his word. And loves me unconditionally.
• A hot water bottle to warm my cold toesies in bed at night.
• And heating system to warm our home.
• I’m thankful that I am not rushing to be somewhere all the time. And therefore I got to spend quantity time with my children.
• I’m thankful that I am a contented person.
• I’m thankful that I’m exactly where I should be at this time.
• And yet, I’m thankful for that voice in my head that tells me otherwise!
• I’m thankful for the gift of health. I’ve been blessed with good doctors who always gave me sound advice and guidance all my life.
• I’m thankful that I’ve lived a life of plenty. Thank you to my father for providing for my childhood and part adulthood – I’ve never been deprived of anything.
• And thank you to my husband for being our provider after we got married. You work very, very hard to do so and I appreciate it. No matter what challenges your health or work related stress your job may bring upon you, you have always been unwavering in your devotion to us and your commitment to provide for us. For that, I thank you from the very bottom of my heart.
• And the eternal optimist that I am, I’m confident that someone, somewhere is thinking about achieving world peace. It will happen one day!
• I am thankful that I have at least a hundred things to be thankful for! Just off the top of my head!